QOTD

Yesterday I was a bookworm;
Today I’m just a waste of space &
Tomorrow I’ll be a wild child.

Some might say I’m dramatic but I’m just a darn good actress ready to take this world by storm.
Sometimes I think I’m crazy; this asylum isn’t just metaphorical. Its white-washed walls become iron bars trapping me inside. Its sealed windows threaten to keep me from fighting for freedom, for justice, for love. The smiles are fake, the sparkle glinting and popping off of eternally brightened teeth and their corresponding lies. Each pair of eyes that stare my way have dulled as their owners hide.
Some might say this is over-dramatic, but I’m just a damn good actress ready to take the world by storm. The stage is set and I await my applause…

The Homebody that flew from its perch

I get excited to go home because I know that’s where you are, even though you don’t come around anymore.
You look at me with darkened eyes, like you’re scrutinizing me and I flinch back because my soul should never be pried at in that manner.
You console but I’m a sceptic.
You control and I try to break free.
I can’t be me with your iron grip around my throat.
I lie and it hurts because I’ve learnt to turn my lies into truths... for my benefit only.
I can’t be what you want me to be because that’s not me.
I’m all choked up because I’m losing you. But I know deep down we were just wasting time... consuming oxygen... and faking the sparkle in our eyes for the birds and the bees.

Because Tomorrow Means Never

Today was meant to be a good day. It started out that way but I quickly realised how crappy it was, how pissed off I’d been all day. Peace-love-happiness me, pissed off?
All day long I could not put my finger on why I was angry. But just now as I heard the soft knock on my window and didn’t get excited as I would have a year ago, I realised what had me all pissed off. You.
A year ago today I was the happiest person alive...because of you. But right now I’m hiding from you... hiding from the lack of love we show each other. I know I should really face my fears... face you but I guess it could wait another day or so, right?
Now I am safe inside a world I’ve created. With earphones in ears and iPod on shuffle, with just a tiny candle illuminating this world... I’m safe and happy again...
...till it’s just you and me again.

Careless carefree me

Prologue

The uniformed woman stared questioningly and I didn't blame her. I knew I looked a sight, standing there with my small suitcase, ticket, passport and frightened eyes. "Would you like me to check your luggage?" she asked sweetly and I smiled as I nodded yes. I could feel the fear slipping away. I knew in my heart that I was making the right decision. My escape was... I wasn't really sure about what to expect. I knew this whole thing could blow up in my face or it could be the start of something extraordinary. I was praying for extraordinary. I only breathed after my passport was checked and my luggage was crawling away on the conveyor. "It's going to be better that okay," I kept reassuring myself as my mind dwelled on other things. I hated thinking of that time.

It's been two years and some months since I packed that bag with four peace-sign t-shirts, two pairs of blue jeans, my favourite blue hoodie and the tiniest jewellery box, three of my favourite books, my laptop and a few mismatched underwear items and boarded a plane heading for New York. I couldn't contain my excitement the minute my black Chucks touched down on American soil, I mean concrete.

I always refer to it as 'my great escape', but you might think of it as running away, you'd be dead right. I did run, they say admittance is always the first step. I just didn't know what I was running from or what I was running to.