Veterans In Arms

You lost me,
You lost me the minute
you found out where I am from.
I could see it in your eyes...
Fear.

Fear of my roots.
You fear the "who" of decades past,
Not the person I am today,
or the places I'll head to tomorrow?

You judge me for a past,
A past that was not mine
...to control.

The events that we've all
but forgotten have led me
to this moment in time,
It is helping me to cross a
threshold of a door you've
closed on me once too often.

Our Time Is NOW.

Beauty Isn't Just Skin Deep

Some girls are Beautiful but don't know it...

I am not one of them...
No matter how many times you tell me I am...
Some days I don't, But most days I am not...
It's just the way it goes...
I can carry on about it all day long, But you don't deserve that...
So I won't

This Doom’s Day Cookie is trying to find a Silver Lining in the Hornets’ Nest with a Ring & Time…

I wonder:

If a silver lining was tangible enough could it kill a werewolf?

If a girl really kicked over a Hornets’ nest would she run screaming or just stand & wait as the hornets took their revenge on her? Would she become their genetically engineered Queen?

If I made ends meet, would it then become a circle, a loop, a habit, could I then break the cycle when he puts the band on my finger?

If time stood still, would you be standing beside me, smiling?

hey!!!

hey, not sure if there is anyone out there reading anything i've uploaded to this blog, but if there is anyone: do you like what you've read? would you like me to change anything? feedback is always the best learning tool, so please help a sister out, even if you have to tell me i suck & will never amount to anything because i truly can't write to save my life... just do it! ask me questions if you want to pass some valuable time by, i will answer as best i can (but i still don't know why the chicken crossed the road- it could just have bee a very suicidal chicken for all we know)
leave me some comments please
nj (in wonderland with the cheshire cat- pics to come for those who don't believe me)
♥

Pen Provided by LetterBox

I don’t mean it’s stupid it is just my aggression needing an outlet.

Downcast my eyes usually are: whether from fear or to shield from your blinding wisdom, they now smoulder with a defiance you’ll soon come to hate.

I’m a pushover no more, I’ve dug in my heels, prepared my best defences & I’ve braced myself for the fierce winds.

There’s no to need to jump ship or to get out of Dodge, just baton down the hatches & watch as Hurricane NJ comes rolling in…

Large Hazelnut Coffee Plz.

What’s with this whole ‘Dependency on stuffed animals’ deal? Have we become so impersonal with actual human contact that we now force ourselves to create meaningful relationships with a Duffy Doll or a Pooh Bear or a Thomas the Tank Engine?  It was cute when we were 2 or 5 but at 25 shouldn’t we be focusing on making life-long friends?

That doll will never be the one.  He can’t put his arms around you & hug you & tell you “it’ll all be ok” & kiss you so intensely that it makes you toes tingle or brings you flowers “just because”.


So why are we putting up walls & wasting time?

Chai

There is Art all around us,
sometimes we're just too blind to see.

There is music everywhere,
it's in the clatter of a heart as it breaks into a million pieces.

Yet the pain forces us to remember we're still alive,
while it & our mistakes remind us that we're still human.

This taste is bittersweet,
but the blood on my tongue just adds the right amount of seasoning to the regret & all your fucked up excuses.

Hold On To Hold Out!

Question: Why haven't I told those whom I love all about you yet? Why haven't I told them about your eyes? Or about your smile? Or about how much you love me? Why haven't I told them about how it sounds when you whisper my name? Or how it feels when you touch that part of me?
(I think) I know it is because I love them. You just couldn't understand... Please leave. I know I'll stop feeling lonely when you're no longer around. I know I'll stop flinching when I hear your footsteps from afar, or feel your breath on my neck.
When I close my eyes at night trying to find peace I instead find your sinister eyes gleaming back at me. I think I'd breathe easy without your stronghold.
Love should never be this painful. So Go!

Forever Falling

i just realised that i haven't taken any pictures lately.
how sad life must be when you can't even try to capture the beauty around you.
actually life isn't sad (neither am i... not really), i've just been so lazy.
last november i took part in #Nanowrimo, a writing contest. i just received my proof copy of the book i had written. an idea has since been cemented in me: i don't want to be a writer to make a profit, but i would love to help other writers believe in the ideas & characters they've created. so i want to now become a proof reader. i think i've always known that that is what i would like to do, i just needed to say the words out loud.
so i want to write & take pictures for the love of it not for any other kind of gain.

i love this song to bits: Falling

Sometimes I wish for falling, wish for the release
Wish for falling through the air to give me some relief
Because falling's not the problem, when I'm falling I'm at peace
It's only when I hit the ground it causes all the grief

Oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh
Whoa-oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh

This is a song for a scribbled-down name
And my love keeps writing again and again
This is a song for a scribbled-down name
And my love keeps writing again and again
And again and again and again and again
And again and again and again and again
And again and again and again and again
And again and again and again and again
_ Falling- Florence + the Machine

Jig-Saw Me

My bones are like the left over jig-saw puzzle pieces
that you’re all trying to squish together
but they just don’t fit.

They’re missing the essential bits
to glue them in place, the balls & sockets
don’t join to create completion
they’re made of different materials that just don’t gel.

Words Flow Out Like Holograms

my bones ache...
my toes freeze...
my smile is fixed...
& i am still a little happy
        ♥
im a fat girl pretending thin...
but success is not for me to win...
as im just a cog in the machine...
just a cog in the machine
         ♥
my heads a mess...
no longer a fuzz ball just too muddled for words...
                                                                        ♥
its done. its over with. my goodbyes were said, my tears unshed.
                         ♥
i laugh to keep the tears locked inside
i forget
i sing along til my voice is gone...
i believe in the power of song...
but most of all i believe in you
                  ♥
my head is spinning...
my throat is tight...
my smile was fixed...
good night

I love meeting new friends

hi! Again

can you believe ive almost been here a month now? it feels like a few short days... even though it feels like ive never left. it feels weird to have to find your feet from all over again & then to have to train them in which directions to move - left,right,right, left (no army formations for me please). there have been days where all i wanted was to walk maybe even the 500miles we sang about. there were even times i just wanted to sleep the day away. but each day i see as a day to have confidence in confidence alone if somehow i cant have any in me... im working on it okay. ive made new friends, its strange how i feel as though ive known them all for years & years & years, but that we've only just met.

so i wanna raise my glass of juice & propose a toast: To the Good times & the Bad that lay ahead of us all, lets always try to be the best we can be.

Happy Easter Egg Day

went for a walk this morning... Florida is so beautiful in spring!

can't decide which to nom on first...

Do you think they'll be mad if i chomp at their heads?

the Easter Bunny came to visit... FINALLY!!!

The Clouds: Home Coming

And then my voice cracked and we were laughing so hard that I had to brace myself in my seat. And before we knew what had hit us, the tears came streaming down.

Catch a Fallen Dream

And it suddenly goes dark.

Wish... wish... wish... upon a star to guide you on to reach her.

Always just a breath away, always just too far for me to stray.
Sometimes i fear the loneliness she’s left behind. I think she’s the only medicine that will fix these crumpled hearts of ours.
Sometimes I fear the depression, but I still don’t know how to help either of us.
Nothing makes sense... but it all makes sense to me.

A dream is just a sequel to a nightmare.
My fears for her are valid as she flits through the constellations, as she leaves behind unanswered doubts and questions that whirl through my mind.
Through the dust we orbited some colourful Planetary rings and suddenly so suddenly we were struck with logic, forcing our feet to halt.

What if the dream we were chasing happened to reject us?

We got too close and she was always just out of reach.
I’d been chasing her for so long, planning our every conversation shared.

No words reached my lips when she whispered: “Your world will soon end,” she touches her thumb to my lip to calm my bubbling emotions, “My world will soon end,” she says louder now hoping (I think) to break this sleep-spell she’d cast on me. “Our world will soon end,” she says in that same way a bored school mistress would when knowing her student still hasn’t grasped the information she spews forth. “This world will soon end,” she says exuberantly as she hugs me to her and happiness brightening her dark eyes.

circumVent the boredom

twitter wont let me tweet. my camera went on hiatus. no idea for any story i want to write comes to mind. And im trying not to stress. Im planning to update soon and i will pack soon... I promise

Hands off Prestwich

The day started out solemn as we lay to rest a loved one. But before we could blink we were hurtling toward our final destination, searching hurriedly for vacant parking spots.

With a quick history lesson outside on the fan-walk we learnt of our ancestors... slaves. Behind us a building loomed ominously as it shadowed a coffee shop that had been placed strategically at the entrance to two ossuaries. The building’s excavation site was once a mass grave for slaves. I am slightly ashamed to admit that I didn’t even realise a place like this existed. I knew of the slaves, I just didn’t know how close to home a topic like slave burials could hit.

As we stood outside we couldn’t help but think of all the lost ones who once were buried where our feet now trod.

This place was just a big cemetery filled with boxes that contained our history, a lot of our culture and too much heartache. This place is now the final resting place for many of the remains that have been found since the inception of the memorial. This place is now filled with love for people we never knew but helped to make us who we are today.

It’s strange that you can live in a city for all of your life and not know much of its history... or that tourists know more about our city than we do... or even why the ‘klopse’ dress so colourfully.

We would like to thank the city of CT for allowing us to glimpse a bit of our past. And remember that if you are a ‘Van Der’ or a ‘February-March-April’ your ancestors were probably standing beneath a tree on a hot summer’s day being auctioned to the highest bidder, saying: “This is the stuff history is made of...”

Lost in Wonderland

pics taken by Nj & edited by Linz

The Funnel Countdown

“I’m sorry,” I utter as you pass me by,

The ghostly me trying not to cry,

Because days are drawing near for when

I’ll have to say goodbye.

We laughed together sitting side-by-side

Watching the sun fade before our eyes,

As the day draws near for when

I’ll have to say adios amigo, my dear.

Getting to know each other was (is) tough,

But the days are drawing near for when

I’ll say a fond farewell that is not enough.


Long-distance was never our thing

Never letting me hear you sing,

Now the days draw near for when

I’ll bring you a flower and you’ll whisper adieu at the hour


I’m a wreck to leave you behind-

Knowing I’ll be giving up on us.

Sadly the days are too few in number

And our goodbyes will soon be forgot from your mind.


My nerves are swirled,

Deep-fried cake batter dusted in confectioners’ sugar...

But i could never regret them.

I Believe (Part Deux) V-Day Edit

I believe in Santa & his trusty steed Rudolph (who else could so deftly consume the hoards of cookies I leave out on Frabjous Day?)... i believe a single ant can carry 10-50 times its own weight... i believe that all it’ll take to turn a cloudy day around is for you to smile from within... i believe happiness is found... i believe happiness is created... i believe happiness is momentarily thrust upon us all (we just have to take it upon ourselves when the opportunity arises)... i believe the stars were placed in the sky for us to find our way back home... i believe in you... i believe sarcasm is a mechanism that helps to shield us from fire-breathers (take it from a sarcastic fire-breather who forgot to light the match)... i believe that we are all ‘pink on the inside’( so can we please stop all the fighting because of how different we are on the outside?)... i believe we are all unique for a reason.... i believe that there are reasons for everything (we just have to find the right questions to ask)... i believe that glass is half full... i believe the heart knows what it wants... i believe we have to learn to appreciate the small things in life (in order to accept the things that can knock us off our feet... i believe that a person can be both happy & sad- that you can smile as ‘the tears come streaming down you face’... i believe that making mistakes makes us human (i swear i am not an alien- i make too many mistakes to be one).... i believe music is a universal language that almost everyone wants to learn how to speak... i believe in fairy tales & their happy endings... i believe that not every happily ever after was meant as such (they just changed the outcome as the situation evolved)... i believe in you... i want to believe in me too.

Defeated

Am I the cowardly Lion, wishing for a heart that once as mine before you locked it away and stole the key?

“There’s only one hopeful chord in this cacophony, and it’s this girl

I’m following.”

The streets are deserted as we three are released from our music filled hollow- Dorothy and her gang- our arms linked as fear begins to consume this journey.

I recognise your face in the dark and in a gasp realise we’re all just following the same sun-tinged brick road.

But what if Dorothy- on her journey holding hands with her gang, stopped to stare at the blinking stars guiding their way saw instead of the face of the man she sort but the brightest star that managed to utter a single word and left her blinded by the sun- could I the cowardly Lion guide her on?

I don’t mind that your dreams aren’t about me in your sleepful hour. The sky has opened up and we are again singing in the rain...

We’re singing in the rain. And it’s such a glorious feeling from my head right down to my toes. Because we’re so happy again...

My lungs stop their in and out movement as your lips press to mine but there is nothing to fear as you begin to breathe for me. your air pulsing through my blood filled veins, as we voyage ever more toward our journey’s end.

We’re no longer afraid. I am cowardly no more and he is genius when love fills our atmosphere as a witch is caged and a beauty whisked away in swirling air. We have nothing left to prove except that we’re no longer afraid.

Nj's Adventures in Wonderland

this popsicle stand - Adventures in Wonderland

for nj from Linz