I waste my time in buildings that once were packed but only hold ghosts & glass barricades, where people transform into mannequins & pillars. This world of brick closes in on me. I’m the only one here but I know I’m not alone. The shutters that keep out now imprison a world in caverns of cotton & gold.
Every letter screams my name severing my hold on indifference as someone plucked the rainbow from the sky, squished the colours to make this point unscary. But I know what it hides: bars, shackles & restraints.
19 March 2010
05 March 2010
Tandem teenage hearts on a string
You wanna know what hurts the most? Hmm? It’s when you put your heart out there and nothing else. So you’d think, right? You’re wrong. What hurts the most is when you put your heart in the hands of someone you love and there’s just no reciprocation, because he doesn’t love you enough.
Would a smile grace your lips when I publicly accept that? Would that smile brighten your eyes when I refuse to acknowledge it in the haunts of my bloodless/loveless heart?
I give up. I’ll throw in the towel... today the last of me has been given. You’ve wanted the rest but here’s the best for your enjoyment and earthly pleasure.
I guess this really is goodbye...
I’ve put my hole heart in this and now I’m wearing my heart on my sleeve trying to cover up the scars my fears have left behind.
So long... goodbye.
Would a smile grace your lips when I publicly accept that? Would that smile brighten your eyes when I refuse to acknowledge it in the haunts of my bloodless/loveless heart?
I give up. I’ll throw in the towel... today the last of me has been given. You’ve wanted the rest but here’s the best for your enjoyment and earthly pleasure.
I guess this really is goodbye...
I’ve put my hole heart in this and now I’m wearing my heart on my sleeve trying to cover up the scars my fears have left behind.
So long... goodbye.
Gloom-day-Cookies
When is it okay to quit... to raise the white flag... to surrender the sword... to stop the fight... to accept that the end is near?
When is it okay to gather the sheet... to lay it over what once was... what will cease to be?
Accept the fate?
Deny humanity?
Cross our hearts and hope to die?
When is it okay to gather the sheet... to lay it over what once was... what will cease to be?
Accept the fate?
Deny humanity?
Cross our hearts and hope to die?
12 February 2010
“...So I say thank you for the music... the words I’m writing...”
My contemplation right now is whether to name everybody by name or band or most prominent literary work to date.
I have had so many inspiring people in my life as of late. Be it in day to day living or through a song that got me to sleep after my nightmares stole the blissful hours from me. Or like the complaints of a customer in a check-out line or some wacky TV commercial or a touching moment between loved ones. Or the times i had my heart broken (which seemed to be all the time).
But really I want to thank all those who’ve helped me, skimmed at these, laughed at them or even with them, screamed at anything I’ve ever posted (because I really can’t write and it frustrates the hell out of you that I seem to never take the lack of comments as a hint at that), hated that almost every sentence is either disjointed or it begins with ‘And’. If you’ve ever had a ‘wow moment’ I really am sorry I didn’t mean to let that happen. And if you’ve never got my sarcasm then you’re a real trooper for even starting to read any passage, text, paragraph or simple word I’ve allowed to slip past me. To the pushy and undaunted- thank you if you had never ‘peer pressured’ me into anything I would have become a turtle stuck forever in its shell (but I still don’t believe in peer pressure and I will always be glad for you and I really do want peace- now I just feel like ‘Gracie Lou Freebush ‘).
I apologise to those who never understood anything I forced out of my pen, to those who misconstrued my meanings... not everything was about me (it rarely is). Don’t worry half the time I don’t get it either.
Did anybody realise how badly I ramble. I clearly never make sense and yes I did once reference “making cents”. I love to break rules: hello! I start sentences with the word ‘And’ like always. I suck as a suckish-rebel and I can’t spell or spell-check, but I’m a dreamer it’s just that at times of blissful inspiration I never seem to get the ideas out of my head (or heart) exactly as I had imagined them to be. And I don’t care about that.
So thank you for reading, commenting and inspiring. And for you who never have read anything by little ol’ me, thank you anyway.
This is by no means ‘good-bye’. None of this was ever meant to be seen; I just needed to back up my ‘stuff’ after my hard-drive decided to through in the towel the first time. I am not about attention grabbing, I just wanted to say thank-you and I truly appreciate your attention.
(As with every fanfic I’ve ever read or written, I clearly don’t own any of the bands, their songs, the poets, their poems, the authors, their books, the oxford English dictionary... but i do own the notepad I bought and the pencils I’ve had since my brother noticed them go missing from his school stuff- when he still was in school- and not forgetting my ‘life’ or to those who don’t know me well, my beloved laptop.)
Last but not least: God, my parents, my friends , JJ, Lynn and everyone else forgotten, you guys have been there for me when I didn’t think I would or could survive or for just scaring me senseless enough to remember that I’m not alone, never was and never will be.
Thank you for letting me express my own opinion in a world that could care less.
Love Linzay (njinwonderland).
Ps...Apparently I don’t even own the pencils I stole from my brother JJ. –NJ
I have had so many inspiring people in my life as of late. Be it in day to day living or through a song that got me to sleep after my nightmares stole the blissful hours from me. Or like the complaints of a customer in a check-out line or some wacky TV commercial or a touching moment between loved ones. Or the times i had my heart broken (which seemed to be all the time).
But really I want to thank all those who’ve helped me, skimmed at these, laughed at them or even with them, screamed at anything I’ve ever posted (because I really can’t write and it frustrates the hell out of you that I seem to never take the lack of comments as a hint at that), hated that almost every sentence is either disjointed or it begins with ‘And’. If you’ve ever had a ‘wow moment’ I really am sorry I didn’t mean to let that happen. And if you’ve never got my sarcasm then you’re a real trooper for even starting to read any passage, text, paragraph or simple word I’ve allowed to slip past me. To the pushy and undaunted- thank you if you had never ‘peer pressured’ me into anything I would have become a turtle stuck forever in its shell (but I still don’t believe in peer pressure and I will always be glad for you and I really do want peace- now I just feel like ‘Gracie Lou Freebush ‘).
I apologise to those who never understood anything I forced out of my pen, to those who misconstrued my meanings... not everything was about me (it rarely is). Don’t worry half the time I don’t get it either.
Did anybody realise how badly I ramble. I clearly never make sense and yes I did once reference “making cents”. I love to break rules: hello! I start sentences with the word ‘And’ like always. I suck as a suckish-rebel and I can’t spell or spell-check, but I’m a dreamer it’s just that at times of blissful inspiration I never seem to get the ideas out of my head (or heart) exactly as I had imagined them to be. And I don’t care about that.
So thank you for reading, commenting and inspiring. And for you who never have read anything by little ol’ me, thank you anyway.
This is by no means ‘good-bye’. None of this was ever meant to be seen; I just needed to back up my ‘stuff’ after my hard-drive decided to through in the towel the first time. I am not about attention grabbing, I just wanted to say thank-you and I truly appreciate your attention.
(As with every fanfic I’ve ever read or written, I clearly don’t own any of the bands, their songs, the poets, their poems, the authors, their books, the oxford English dictionary... but i do own the notepad I bought and the pencils I’ve had since my brother noticed them go missing from his school stuff- when he still was in school- and not forgetting my ‘life’ or to those who don’t know me well, my beloved laptop.)
Last but not least: God, my parents, my friends , JJ, Lynn and everyone else forgotten, you guys have been there for me when I didn’t think I would or could survive or for just scaring me senseless enough to remember that I’m not alone, never was and never will be.
Thank you for letting me express my own opinion in a world that could care less.
Love Linzay (njinwonderland).
Ps...Apparently I don’t even own the pencils I stole from my brother JJ. –NJ
“The world will never do...”
We’re inspired by the weirdest strangest things. And I love it.
She said “say what you want, say what you need” ...some love and happiness to make this world spin a little faster, please.
But seriously now, what has gotten into everyone lately? We’re just all so ready to though in the towel.
We live in a hater nation.
I thought you cared but it seems I have no problem with lying to myself. My world came crashing down, weighing on my little shoulders. You’re blind if you can’t see the pain you constantly inflict and you’re smiling through it all.
Harden your heart and pretend nothing ever happens because red doesn’t come close to what I’m seeing. My chest burns at what you’ve done. The ‘H’ word threatens to slip past my last defences.
You never cared that you were shoving me down to pull yourself up.
Your terror reign ends with me because I won’t throw in the towel.
She said “say what you want, say what you need” ...some love and happiness to make this world spin a little faster, please.
But seriously now, what has gotten into everyone lately? We’re just all so ready to though in the towel.
We live in a hater nation.
I thought you cared but it seems I have no problem with lying to myself. My world came crashing down, weighing on my little shoulders. You’re blind if you can’t see the pain you constantly inflict and you’re smiling through it all.
Harden your heart and pretend nothing ever happens because red doesn’t come close to what I’m seeing. My chest burns at what you’ve done. The ‘H’ word threatens to slip past my last defences.
You never cared that you were shoving me down to pull yourself up.
Your terror reign ends with me because I won’t throw in the towel.
05 February 2010
“...Like calm in place of clamour, like peace that follows pain...”
“Long live the car crash hearts...”
The sun shines through the rain but not through my tears. You know I’ll support you no matter how many times you break my shattered heart. Thank you for allowing me the pleasure of experiencing all the bad days... now please make them stop.
We’re as close as the blood in my veins as my heart makes quick work of love, life, me.
Here, see the cracks in my facade. Decisions were made whether good or bad. We have to see them through and live with the consequences, the hate mail and the teeny emotions.
Sometimes I just want to scream, “Look at me, look at me,” but no one listens so they don’t.
So we go slow and now here we stand stuck in the motions... let’s go sailing on the oceans.
“...Our hearts beat for the diehards...”
The sun shines through the rain but not through my tears. You know I’ll support you no matter how many times you break my shattered heart. Thank you for allowing me the pleasure of experiencing all the bad days... now please make them stop.
We’re as close as the blood in my veins as my heart makes quick work of love, life, me.
Here, see the cracks in my facade. Decisions were made whether good or bad. We have to see them through and live with the consequences, the hate mail and the teeny emotions.
Sometimes I just want to scream, “Look at me, look at me,” but no one listens so they don’t.
So we go slow and now here we stand stuck in the motions... let’s go sailing on the oceans.
“...Our hearts beat for the diehards...”
29 January 2010
“...Oh, if you ask me I will see this through...”
“I want an old time love... nothing else is good enough,” I sing along. It’s still except for the radio and my terrible singing. Silence is golden, oh so golden when stolen from quiet lips.
“... Nothing else is g-g-good enough,” I sniffle wiping at moist eyes. My voice is coated with tears and I try to push away every contemptuous thought suffocating me. I’m wondering if this is life or just my nightmares playing on a loop.
Try? I might.
Succeed? Not quite.
A hand pauses on my shoulder, a finger wipes away a tear and a deeper voice whispers low: “try to succeed...” I smile.
Why the hell not!
You’re so right!
“... Nothing else is g-g-good enough,” I sniffle wiping at moist eyes. My voice is coated with tears and I try to push away every contemptuous thought suffocating me. I’m wondering if this is life or just my nightmares playing on a loop.
Try? I might.
Succeed? Not quite.
A hand pauses on my shoulder, a finger wipes away a tear and a deeper voice whispers low: “try to succeed...” I smile.
Why the hell not!
You’re so right!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)